running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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