I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
