Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
