mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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