Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
