my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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