i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There r osticjed everywhere
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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