it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize