is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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