There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize