is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
