Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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