is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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