Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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