I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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