She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
