Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
