just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
