I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hippo gnu deer
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
