mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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