Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dignity is for republicans.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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