I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
