Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
