If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
