small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
