upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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