He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize