thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
