I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
