I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
