I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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