I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize