a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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