exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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