Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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