I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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