I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
