I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
