Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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