Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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