i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
