Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
