Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
