You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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