he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
