update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
