Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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