I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
