i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize