if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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