One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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