literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
