that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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