And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
