last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
