do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
