Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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