Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
