how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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