So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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