well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
