Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Randomize
