I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
