phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
