haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just found puke in my bra..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
