Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
