i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
