Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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