bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
