we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
