I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
