is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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