The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
