could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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