u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
