The maid of honor just puked.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
