there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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