Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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