I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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