I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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