Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
