yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm too high and old for this...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
