why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
