there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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