This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
