if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
