am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize