if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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