Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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