Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
