just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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