now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Vodka?
Forever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
