Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
