There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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