4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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