didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Randomize
