She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
