Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
