Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
