Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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