And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
