this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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