This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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