In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I got inside last night via doggy door
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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