So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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