I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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