Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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