Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
