it hurts more in the daytime
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
