dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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