At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
