I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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