don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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