i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
